Ah yes the long awaited return of the wise and all conniving Grimace.
So what will it be this timehow to commit the perfect crime, hide
the body, pick up a girl, get a roommate to move out, be a complete asshole.the suggestions and possibilities are endless.
So due to the impending beginning of a new semester I decided to
choose a topic well related.
Grims How To Pass A Class With Minimal Work.In 10
So youve decided to
skate through life. Welcome to the group!
Slackers love company!! And slackers also hate reading so I will keep
that in mind as I type this (in between naps of course).
Well lets get started!
1) Well we need to pick classes before you can not attend them. To do that the best thing to do is talk with jocks and sorority girls(they hate class
just as much as we do). They know the easy class and easy teachers. Or you can just be that stalker kid that follows the sorority girls around and sits in their classes any
ways. Then this column is not for you..you have a purpose and work at (you fucking
over achievers make me sick!) plus its a lil creepy.
2) Ok so weve picked classes. Now unfortunately we may have to attend the first class just to know what we are not
learning and how much we can get away with not doing. Luckily the professors
dont really expect you to know where your classes are or to be on time for the first day so take your time. When you get there get the syllabus and this would probably be a good time to grab a nap before the next
class.
3) Ok now youve attended
the class seen whos in them for you to mooch off of. But dont call it mooching,
just see it as a team effort that you got the good end of. Now make sure they
know of this agreement and its also nice if you give them something in return. Were
in college so Im sure we all know the answer to this...Alcohol.
4) Now would be a good time for you to take a break.youve
had a long day so class is done for the day.
5) Welcome back and I hope youre ready to get schooled
in the ways to not get schooled. Well step five is kinda important for those
that are slackers but still see grades as an importance. Get the books! The rest of you skip this we can all pass with a solid C and even a solid B if youve
really mastered these steps. Besides I really dont get this whole reading craze
theyve got in colleges. Whats that
all about!? Fucking over achievers!!
6) Well since you went to class and took the time to
get the syllabus you may as well put it to use now. So go find it and find out what kind of work were talking for this class.
Im sure theres at least one project. No rush on this though, I recommend
waiting till the night beforethat way you really spend less time working on it and less time thinking about it. Ok now try to remember when the exams are.its been proven that its really hard to pass a class when you
sleep through the final exam..Damn you Economics.but I showed them by pullin that strong D anyways!! A good way to remember dates as important as these is really the most obviouswrite them on you!!! That way when your second alarm( and yes I do recommend you have at least two alarms
because its hard to hear the first one when you some how managed to pass out naked under your bed the night before with your
head stuck in an empty 12 rackor if your just tired...depending on the life you lead) goes off and you wonder where the hell
you are and why youre awake, you can just look on the designated part of your body that you choose to write on and say, oh
yeah I have that exam in Marine and Coastal Law today...and yes this is a real class and screw you for judging me, its credits!!
7) Ok well heres the rough part of the class. You may actually have to go a few times. Depends
on what kinda of class were talking here. There are some you really only need
to go about twice all yearbelieve me its been done, and all you suckers actually attend!! So these small classes actually
use attendance as a way to give or take away points towards your grades. Who
the fuck do they think they are!?!? So anyways, they usually allow like three absences with out excuses and then you can still afford a few and still get
a decent grade. Well heres where the creativeness and everything you learned last lesson From Grims How To in Ten. Time to get your self out of anything. This time it will be
class. Well excuses for why you havent attended is key! Death is the best! Death is one of those things people wont
question, so use it, but have some bullshit proof like an obit from home or a Note from home.
Well that takes care of a few weeks, especially if its someone important
like a parent or sibling. Oh but make sure that if you have that teacher again
not to use the same person dying, this can be an embarrassing slip!
8) Alright so now its time to do that stupid project. Step one make sure you are actually still in the classit would suck to do it for nothing. Now find out how little you can really do and still pass, remember were not looking
for perfect just passable. Except for you goddamn over achievers I hope you all
drop your computer screen on your headwhile theyre on!! (pattern much!?) Now
do the project the night before, taking as much as you can from other people in the class and online. But be careful these sneaky professors these days have online filters that can find plagiarism!! BASTARDS!!
9) Now its time for the exam. Again make sure youre actually in the class, I recommend doing this at least 4 or 5 times through the semester
just to be sure, since we are slackers and tend to not pay attention and miss small details as of such. Now find out whats
on the exam. Best bet for this is someone that already took the class or go to that person youve been so faithfully sharing with, they should know. Well now that you know, all you can do is hope that most it
is common sense and that you picked up enough in the 3 classes you attended. If
you fucking over achiever types are still reading, a good way to know what is coming is go to the chapter summaries and read
the headings. But I wouldnt really push the whole reading thing any more then
that.
10) Well youve made it!! Pulled
that strong C- and kept a consistent 2.1no shame in that. What?! There is!!! FUCK YOU OVER ACHEIVERS FOR JUDGING ME!! Anyways,
continuinggood job and good luck on any future class experiences, and god forbid
you actually need to attend.
Till next time slackers and fast talking punks alike!!
Never admit fault and never do more then the least to be expected, unless you can actually get away with less then
that too!! Good Day To You.EASY
Professor Grimace-
