STEP 1: The first and most important thing to remember in any situation where you need to get out of some shit is to talk fast, think fast, and don't stop till prior said shit is over!!

STEP 2: Never admit to anything!  This should be obvious, and if not just give up, stop reading and hope payoff falacio will save you once again.

STEP 3: Try to make them prove there accusations!!  Ask how they know it was you, or what they think you did. (Example: "What are you talking about?  You just kicked in my door and started yelling!  Whats the problem?") 
In response to the accusations or attempted proof out right denial is the
worst thing. This is too edgy and confrontational (Might as well go down
swinging at that point!).

STEP 4: Show signs of confusion and weakness while still
remembering to talk fast, making them feel better, more in control while all
the time you're just playing off their need to dominate.
STEP 5: Try to give the opposition a little feeling of control and that you are
willing to help, just not at your own expense.  (Example: "If I find the dumb
fuck that pissed of the balcony I'll throw him out for you.  I don't give a
fuck about him, but I ain't going to get thrown out for something I didn't
do!!").
STEP 6: Give the bastards options now, to save themselves the embarrassment of losing
the battle. 

STEP 7: Be prepared to set your self up for future issues or
reproductions if said shit happens again. Remember, the point of this is only
to get you out of shit now.  Worry about your future stupidity later!
STEP 8: Is your stupid trouble making ass still talking fast?! That is the most
important point I can make.  Your speed and fast thinking keeps the opposition from making a solid point or counter attack. You need to keep talking so they can't really register everything that you're saying. That way if you do fuck up, which being as unseasoned  and seemingly retarded as you are, I'm sure you will fuck up, the dicks may not catch it.
STEP 9: This is about the time you are whining down the defense, still fast moving but the need for arguing have lessened.  So bring it down on the anger pitch.
STEP 10:If you dumb fucks have followed these steps to the point then your ass shouldbe clean and home free. Thank the failed opposition for the resolution, still making them feel like they just might have some how won.

You may now relax and stop thinking fast the prior said shit is resolved.
I'm sure you're tired from this incredible exertion of speed and wit, take a
nap if you must.  When you have recovered return to your rabble rousing and
enjoy victory!! 

The Grimace